No Thanks, I’m Full!
by Deborah Payne
I started journaling nine years ago, with no intention of writing a book. The time went by so quickly as I was derailed due to some of life’s trials and tribulations, to which, I’m sure, most of us can relate. When I returned to my writing, it seemed to have taken on legs of its own, turning into chapters of my life experiences and the lessons I learned.
My book is about being born into dysfunction, how this affected choices I made along the way, and the shocking risks I took, wanting so badly to be loved. I did not recognize what dysfunction was until I became an adult. The daunting challenges I faced as a young person, trying to break down these unhealthy rituals that seemed seared into my DNA, were the result of years of living in chaos. I share the shame I felt in regards to my parents, finally being honest with myself about who they were. I was ultimately able to forgive them as I came to see that they, themselves, had also been victims born into dysfunction. Through writing my life story I discovered that the dysfunction created shame and how this shame affected my self worth.
As my journey toward motherhood began, I was terrified, not having had an example of what this role should look like. Despite my fear of the unknown, I found the strength to move in a different direction. I became a mother and, at this time in my life, I chose to break this unforgiving cycle. Finally, I faced my personal struggles and realized I deserved more!
Throughout my book, I weave the threads of “unconditional love,” and describe how this love showed up in some of the most unexpected relationships, what I learned about this love and how the wonderful relationships I have had with people in my life have impacted who I am today!
Hi I’m Debbie Payne and live in a small city called Sarnia located in Ontario, Canada. I am married and have a son, “Austin” (now 23), who I couldn’t be more proud of. I am a Remax realtor and have been helping people now for over thirty years. I love live music and have been lucky enough to seen some legends!
This is my first book that I initially thought would serve me by being more of a therapeutic process, as well as to leave for my son to read one day. I now want to share it with others as I’m hoping it can help some people understand dysfunction better, how to break the cycle, and know that being born into disfunction does not have to dictate who we become!